Sunday, July 11, 2010

A picture can say a thousand words, but this one only needs one

It's true, a picture can be worth a thousand words, but this image only needs one. That word is Lonliness. This image is a representaion of my existence. Beyond that, this is exactly what my high school experience was like. I connected with all of one friend, who was two years below me. Those were four dark, lonely years. I often wonder how I managed to survive it. A little damaged and broken, but I did survive.....

















Looking at this makes me quite sad. That was such a rough time my heart aches just reliving those memories. See all the kids interacting, having fun? I can remember seeing this very thing and wondering what it must feel like. It felt so alien to me. The girl sitting in the corner all by herself? That's me. Even all these years beyond school this is still what my life is like. I feel soo different from those around me, like I'm on the outside looking in.
People say to live without regret. My life is a long string of regretful events. I regret not being strong enough to be able to open to others. I regret my troublesome psychological and emotional baggage. I fear spending my life alone because of it. Will I ever find someone willing to tough it out until I am able to open up and let her in? Will I ever find someone who is able to see the uniqueness(weirdness?...) as an asset rather than a liability? Now that I'm thoroughly depressed, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go cry myself to sleep.....

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