In the past 24 hours, since yesterdays potential derailing of my hopes and ambitions, I've noticed a marked change in myself. I've realized there is no point in wanting, desiring, or hoping for anything. It just brings me pain and disappointment. Whether or not this is a permanent change, only time will tell. Drifting is THE first thing I've ever felt like is was good at. I could actually see myself becoming great at it. I was VERY happy with how quickly I progressed last year and decided I wanted to make a run at obtaining a competitors license from Formula D. A long shot I know, but I really feel I can do it. This is such a big deal because never before in my life have I ever felt this way about anything. I'm having a hard time dealing with the weekends disappointment. This disaster set me back bad. Last year got out of the gate a bit rough recovered well enough, then ended poorly. This year the car is dead in the water, two events are off the schedule and the season hasn't even started! The only thing that will save the start of the season is winning some sort of lottery. Which means I'm screwed. These two events were D1 Underground events, a very big deal for someone looking to go pro at some point.
I suppose at the core of all this is that I'm not even that upset about this latest turn of events. I'm so used to failure that it's almost like just another day for me.
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