Thursday I spent the day dealing with the fact that Depression had its proverbial foot up my ass. Often when this happens, I'll "bleed" on paper the crap that runs rampant through my mind. Here's what was goin' on at that time:
There's a metaphor or saying: "Even in a crowd, I'm alone". Do I ever know what this means. I live with my mom and have two brothers that live pretty close by. Despite my extreme weirdness, I actually have a couple of friends that I keep in close contact with. I don't live under and rock and I've actually been known to go outside! With that said, Why do I always feel alone? Lonliness is a bitch of a feeling. It's this hollow, profound saddness. Fuck, what's my deal?........
In the past when depression would strike, I would feel like crying out of the blue. Strange stuff, suddenly tearing up. As time has gone by, I still feel ravaged by depression, but the urge to cry has diminished quite a bit. Have I grown acustomed to the pain and am not as effected by it anymore? Like I accept it as a part of life? It kinda bums me out, because the urge to cry always left me feeling alive. Experiencing that pain was good for me, but anymore I feel nothing, like the ability fo feel has been beaten from me. I'm numb to my own suffering.
Pretty sad shit, huh?
Suprise! Nyan Koi hottness!!!
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